happy x-mass, again, twenty-ten.

Happy Spendgasmas.
Sorry I haven't written in a year. I've been depressed, because it hasn't been Christmas. But now it is, so, I am so happy.

The bad news first. There is no happy holiday album this year. I had a melt down and smashed my flute.

The good news. There is an unedited poem.

The Philanthropist excitedly begifts all of you an autobiographical poem for Xmass 2010.

here goes (it's called, Pachouli Santa Jesus):

PACHOULI SANTA JESUS:

Thru the chimney, then
Hugs a tree
Smells like cumin and pachouli
He's Pachouli Santa Jesus
and he's sellin his wears
none of 'em are made that good
including his notted dread hairs

He believes in peace and harmony
cumin and pachouli
playin' a drum
'n hackin' in bare feet

He's pachouli Santa Jesus
and he's sellin his wears
the gifts he gives
cling to your nose hairs
...like presents under a tree
B.O. gift boxes
to your olfactory


Thanks for reading.
Till next year,
Yours truly,
The Philanthropist

No Mas Uno Mas "Christmas" album

NO MAS UNO MAS

This years album, by the artist sometimes known as "The Philanthropist," is this years best album produced and published anonymously and specifically for philanthropic purposes. It has been donated to needed people all over the world. For instance, it was gifted to a lost British cowboy as far away as Lyme Regis! Enjoy it, old chap!

1. CHRISTMAS: A Promotional Campaign
2. Hi, I'm Steve.
3. Uh, the Chris-a-mis tree
4. Responsive Reading #1
5. Oh, Thank God I Gotta Holiday!
6. Responsive Reading #2
7. Put this song in your Christmas Pipe and smoke it!
8. Santa: He looked like Carl Marx
9. Bungee Jump with Jesus

For further information on how to receive philanthropy from The Philanthropist, please contact the staff here at crackedlibertybell

Grey Mail: How the Super-Evil dodge punishment, and go to the same barber.

Dear Kid,
You think the CIA and the KKK are different
It's the mail that matters
the grey mail that matters
it's more than black or white
this war IS racism
wether Iraqi freedom
or the drug war
it IS racism
but you can't see it.

Erik THE prince and Oliver North

Oliver and Erik D' Prince must go to the same barber. Barber: "So, what'll y' have today Mr. Prince?" Erik D Prince: "Hmmm, I think I'll have what Oliver is having." Barber: "That's called the 'Adolf. One Adolf coming right up!"

Prince's (Eric D Prince) lawyers are doing the same thing Oliver North's layers did. It is sort of like 'blackmail' but it is called "grey-mail." Grey Mail is where you threaten to expose ALL of the people connected to the evil network. "Oh, you want to bring OUR client down???" Prince's lawyers and Oli's lawyers would temptuously ask... And then threateningly say,"If you punish my client he will bring ALL of you down!!!"

Repairing 500 years of slavery with the movie "The Blind Side" while simultaneously fostering inter-racial Cougar/Oedipus complexes.

The movie The Blind Side officially repairs five hundred years of slavery, yeah! Finally there is a much needed football movie that just so happens to be a balm to white ruling class, and all southern white, guilt. Praises to the cast and crew for such a big accomplishment. The only criticism I have has to do with the title of the movie: A more fitting title might be, "Fostering the Inter-Racial Cougar Oedipal Complex," For those of you who don't know what a 'Cougar' is, here is a synopsis; A Cougar is an older woman who is on the "hunt" for a much younger, energetic, willing-to-do-anything male. Here's a refresher on what an Oedipus Complex is: It is a complex of the male desire to possess the mother sexually and to exclude the father.

I don't know if the big football star / adoptee wanted to score with his white trophy mom. It is hard for me to give this movie a detailed and accurate review because I only saw the trailer; and I hope I am never forced to watch it on a bus or an airliner. The only person that I know who saw the movie was my elderly white neighbor (who happens to be a widow and a southerner). Her reviews were stunning. She held her heart and spoke of renewed inspiration. Normally when I see this neighbor she bemoans her loneliness and depressingly speaks of how much she misses her dead husband. But this movie, Wow, it had her smiling while simultaneously tearing happy tears from her eyes. She told me that I "must take my wife to it" and that, my "wife will love it!" I asked my newly inspired neighbor, partly out of curiosity but mostly to change the subject, if she had seen this other new movie called, "The Men Who Stare At Goats?" My elderly neighbor let go of her heart, made a gasp of exasperation, looked utterly shocked and said, "Why no, I would never see a movie like that!" When I walked into my apartment I told my wife about our neighbor's reaction. My wife said, "The movie is called 'the men who STARE at goats... NOT, the men who FUCK goats!"

Kick-ass new alarm clock app for ipod or iphone: I like-y!

The "A+ Alarm Clock" by Hana rocks. I especially like the palate for selecting the color of the clock numbers that perfectly suits yourself. I would rate this app more than 5 stars, but it won't let me rate it at all. It is the best dollar spent (except for when my brothers paid for that toothless homeless guy to blow me for a dollar outside of the "Buffet" bar.). Seriously, it fucking kicks ass. i feel like some anal-retent, like me, designed this app. it's got so many switches it allows ME, to be in control. There was one thing i was ambivalent about. My songs that i selected from my library were not played in the order that i selected them; they were shuffled without my intent. I did not know how I felt about this betrayal, at first, but I quickly decided that I like-y. I actually liked this, 'book-marked,' surprise. By 'book-marked' I mean: I hate clock radio surprise... I hate that some fucking commercial DJ, or some non-commercial Douche-Jockey, can create the mood or ambiance for my groggy difficult wake-up; they can be real boner killers. But, with MY playlist... the-order-of-operation for the playlist that I personally chose, prior to morning-boner, lacks the bad element of surprise. With my song-list, the alarm is like a surprise party with the bestest of friends, and NO despised or loser guests.

Collapse, Money Grab, California tuition increase, Wall Street record profits..

According to the HEF Index the Five Stages of Collapse are: 1. Financial Collapse 2. Commercial Collapse 3. Political Collapse 4. Social Collapse 5. Cultural Collapse.

Crackedlibertybell contacted an associate statistician for the HEF Index and asked: "In what stage does the National Football League (NFL) collapse?"

The response from the HEF Index associate said, "The NFL is last to go."

We at Crackedlibertybell cannot wait!

It seems that the ruling class is preparing for the collapse by squeezing every-last-drop of capital out of us before the big ole' shit sinks. For instance: How'bout that 32% tuition increase for the California universities? Imagine if YOU, the average body-weight person, were to gain 32% more body weight (fat) by tomorrow. You'd be an extra 50 pounds... probably about what your hiking backpack weighs when it is packed totally full. What a fucking increase!!! California has the second WORST rate for high school students going from high school into college, just worse than Mississippi - mostly because students' families are totally financially BROKE... And yet, the California university system (state colleges, state universities, and community colleges) MADE MORE MONEY this past fiscal year than EVER before! The California University system makes most of their profit from the University Hospitals, Private, State, and Federal Research Grants, Sport tickets, etc. Yes, they made more money this past year than EVER before!!! And a tuition increase??? Wall Street ALSO made record profits this past year. Is this the final life-boat-grab by the greedy rich devils?

Rickets is Crickets without a C.

"Rickets" is Crickets without a "C" and your bones are droopy
Go outside and get some Sun today.
Keep the droopy bones away.
Find a Cricket.